Just Because
by NettieC
Summary: Mac is feeling all sorts of things she can't name, perhaps Harm can help her out.


AN: All the usual disclaimers. Written for the HBX August Challenge

Just Because...

There was a different feel around the place. It was one that Mac couldn't name, couldn't really describe but she knew it was different. Sitting in her office she gazed out on the bullpen trying to get her feelings into thoughts. The bullpen was abuzz with busy people diligently attending to their duties but nothing really seemed that different. Catching sight of Bud and Sturgis walking through from the elevator, she studied them; nothing seemed different about them either.

Taking a deep breath, she tried to refocus on the paperwork on her desk. Still, the nagging idea that something was different when everything seemed the same gnawed at her and soon her gaze was on the bullpen once more.  
"Penny for your thoughts?" Harm said, standing in her doorway.  
"Oh," she said, shaking her head. So engrossed on what was happening out the window, she had missed his arrival at her door.  
"Are you alright?" he asked, coming in and closing the door behind him. "You seem a bit ..."  
"A bit what?" Mac asked, watching as he dropped into the visitor's chair across her desk.  
"Dazed? Confused? I'm not sure which," he said, studying her every move.  
"I'm fine," she said, with another shake of her head. "Just a little preoccupied."  
"Anything I can help with?" he asked, not too sure if he believed her.  
"No," she said after a pause. "But thanks for offering."  
"Mac, you'd tell me if there was something wrong, wouldn't you?" he questioned, still not convinced all was well.  
"Depends on what it was, probably," she answered honestly.  
'Depends' and 'probably' weren't the words Harm was hoping to hear.  
"I'd like to think we could tell each other anything, Mac," he said sincerely. "You're my best friend after all."  
Mac just smiled and shook her head; "Harm, there's nothing to tell. I just ..."  
"Just?" he prompted when nothing else followed.  
"You'll just think I'm crazy," she said slowly, hoping that if she went with the truth, he'd be able to help her identify this 'different' feeling.  
"No, I won't," he said quickly before leaning forward in his seat.  
"I have this feeling which I can't name, can't describe," she said, looking at everything in the room bar him. "And it's distracting me to the point I can't think of anything else."  
"What type of feeling?" he questioned. "Is it a bad feeling, pleasant feeling, scary feeling?"  
"It's a different feeling," she said. "Not as in different to anything I've felt before but a feeling that something is different but when I consider things, everything seems the same."  
Harm half nodded before shaking his head; it didn't make a lot of sense to him. "Do you think you're different or that someone else is?"  
Mac shrugged; if she knew that she'd have her answer.  
"Look, it's probably nothing," she said shaking her head. "Just me being silly."  
"Mac," he said quietly. "In all the time I've known you, you've never been silly."

It was later that night in bed when Mac's thoughts crystallised; she knew what was different. It was Harm, or, maybe not Harm himself but her relationship with Harm. It had been months since their last serious disagreement, it had been a while since there had been anything uneasy between them. For months now, it had been a friendly, amiable, caring relationship and that was very different to the ebbs and flows of their relationship over the past decade.

Lying in bed in the early hours of Friday morning with this new knowledge, Mac tried to figure out just what it all meant. Was it possible they were on the verge of the 'something special' she always believed they could have? Was it possible they had both come to realise they were far better people when they were getting along? Was it possible, even if just a little bit, that she was reading too much into nothing and was in fact losing her mind?

Deciding it was most likely the latter, Mac tried to go back to sleep but an hour later gave up on the fruitless task and headed out for a long early morning run. At her desk earlier than usual, Mac was working her way through her second coffee and croissant when the bullpen started to come to life. Rather than spending her time watching what was going on out there, she focused her efforts on the tasks she failed to complete the day before.

An hour later a knock on the door broke her concentration.  
"Ma'am," the petty officer said, stepping into her office. "These are for you." She handed Mac a boxed floral arrangement full of brightly coloured gerberas.  
"For me? From who?" Mac asked getting to her feet and taking the flowers.  
"Yes, ma'am, for you," repeated the petty officer. "There is a card..."  
"Thank you," she said and the petty officer disappeared.  
Placing the flowers on her desk, Mac located the card and opened it.  
'Dear Mac,  
It's 'Just Because Day' and so I thought I'd get you flowers just because I thought you'd like them. Just because you are my best friend. Just because you should know that I think you are anything but silly.  
Harm'

Having read the card twice, Mac folded it over and rested it amongst the flowers once more. Looking up she searched the bullpen for Harm but couldn't see him. A quick peek at his office found it still in darkness, so she grabbed her cell and sent him a text and then awaited a response.

'Looking for you. Are you at HQ somewhere?'

'Out at Andrews for most of the day.'

'Thank you so much for the flowers. They are beautiful and  
were such a surprise.'

'You're welcome. Everyone deserves to be surprised every now and then.'

'Well, you succeeded on that point. Have you got plans for tonight?'

'Nope. Want to go out for dinner? I think I can be at your place by 1900.'

'Sounds good. See you then. Thanks again.'

Even though she knew it was silly, Mac was a bundle of nerves as she waited for Harm's arrival. She had repositioned the flowers a dozen different ways in the past ten minutes and tried to ignore the butterflies which had invaded her stomach. She tried to tell herself it was just dinner with Harm; that there was nothing different about tonight. Yes, he had sent her flowers but, she reiterated to herself, that was 'just because' and not a declaration of undying love and devotion.

Still, the butterflies swarmed and by the time he knocked on the door, she didn't know whether to laugh, cry or throw up.  
"Come on in," she said, opening the door and ignoring the fact he was twenty minutes late.  
"I picked up some Chinese," he said, offering her the bags. "I know I said we'd go out but it's been a long day and I just wanted to hang out with you. Is that okay?"  
"Sure," she replied, taking the bags and placing them on the coffee table. "I'll go grab some plates."

Returning a few minutes later with plates, cutlery and drinks, Mac placed them on the table before gesturing for Harm to sit.  
"How did it go at Andrews?" she asked, sitting alongside him.  
"Good...eventually," he replied. "I swear some people are just on this earth to make our lives more difficult though." Mac laughed, she was sure there were such people. "Glad you liked the flowers," he added gesturing to the arrangement in front of them.  
"I loved them," she said, looking from the flowers to him. "Thank you, once again."  
"You're welcome, once again," he added and smiled when she leant over and kissed his cheek.

Chatter over dinner was light and mainly focused on the trials and tribulations related to their jobs. Harm opined that they should have the right to slap some sense into people and Mac had to agree. He then went on to say that, when convicted, those who are sent to test them should have an increase in their sentences and Mac could only laugh.

It wasn't until Mac was in the kitchen putting the leftovers in the fridge that Harm realised he had been the one doing all the talking and Mac had just been agreeing. Not sure if this was intentional or whether she was still struggling with whatever had occupied her thoughts the day before, Harm grabbed the glasses and headed to the kitchen.

Placing them in the sink, Harm turned and watched as Mac fussed with mail on the bench.  
"Mac," he said slowly and waited for her to look at him. "Are you okay? Really okay?"  
"Sure," she said with a nod. "Don't I seem okay?"  
"You seem a little uneasy," he said gesturing towards the mail she had just been playing with.  
"No, I'm not uneasy," she said quickly.  
"Preoccupied?" he suggested and she shrugged. "Is this still about the feeling you had yesterday?"  
"Sort of," she replied.  
"Talk to me about it," he said, reaching out and taking her hand in his. "What's going on?"

For a few long moments, Mac contemplated her response. Sure, it would be easier to make something up but, as she had come to realise that morning, this could be the turning point in their relationship and she didn't want to miss the opportunity.  
"Mac?" he said quietly as he pulled her towards him. "Please talk to me..." He watched as her expression changed and tears welled in her eyes. He couldn't help but pull her closer still and wrap his arms around her waist. "What is it?"

Not really knowing how to put all her thoughts and feelings into words without making her sound too needy or admit things she wasn't sure she was ready to acknowledge, Mac shrugged again as she settled into his arms.  
"Mac..." he said gently, his eyes locked with hers.  
Deciding words were often overrated, Mac pressed up on her tiptoes before placing a gentle kiss on his lips. The kiss was soft and tantalising and Harm was more than surprised by it.  
"What was that for?" he asked, making sure his arms were anchored around Mac, lest she try to move away.  
"Just because..." she said with a shy smile.  
"Just because..." he prompted.  
"Just because I figured it was easier than trying to find the words to explain things," she said, tilting her head to the side and gazing at him.  
"Well, I'm not objecting in the least," he said before dipping down and returning the kiss. "But if you can find the words I'd like to hear them."  
With a sigh, Mac moved her arms from her side and wrapped them around his waist. "I worked out what was different," she said, her eyes not leaving his. "And that was us..."  
"What's different about us?" he asked, returning her warm smile.  
"This for one," she said, indicating their close proximity.  
"It is different," he agreed. "And something I am very much enjoying," he admitted with a mischievous grin.  
"Me too," she said with a nod. "I have come to realise that we have been getting along very well for quite a while now...and that's what has been different."  
"You're right," he agreed. "I'd like to make 'different' the norm though..."  
"Me too," she concurred. "I have come to realise that I have these strong feelings about you and that is what has me preoccupied."  
"Well, in the interests of mutual disclosure, I have strong feelings about you too," he said with a grin. "And," he added. "Those flowers today weren't just because it is Just Because Day but because I figured it was about time I did something proactive."  
"And the flowers, just like the kiss, were easier than words," she said. "Weren't they?"  
"Yeah," he agreed. "Maybe it's the coward's way but we both know we have trouble expressing ourselves when it comes to us...I was kind of hoping that my actions would speak volumes."  
"Me too," she agreed before reaching up and kissing him once more. This time, rather than a gentle kiss, like the one she had bestowed on him previously, the kiss was deep and passionate and by the time they pulled apart both were panting softly and gazing at each other with glazed eyes.

Figuring they were doing far better with actions than they ever did with words, Harm pulled her closer and kissed her deeply. In a tangle of limbs and bodies, Harm tried to pour all his feelings for Mac into his actions and she reciprocated. Pulling him towards her, their lips still locked, Mac navigated their path back to the sofa. There were definitely more comfortable places to make out than against her kitchen benches.

It didn't require much work to have them end up horizontal on the sofa. Both were on their sides with Mac pinned between the back of the sofa and Harm's firm body. Long, languid kisses were exchanged before Mac decided to up the ante and started to unbutton Harm's shirt. His buttons were undone and Mac's hand was making circles on his bare chest before he knew it. Copying her actions, Harm had pulled at Mac's sweater before she sat up and pulled it off altogether allowing Harm's hands greater access to her body.

Taking advantage of this, Harm's hand disappeared under Mac's tee, gently caressing her soft skin before tracing over the lacy pattern of her bra. With enough awareness to realise they were accelerating from zero to all the way in no time flat, Mac reluctantly pulled back as far as she could manage.  
"This is going very fast," she panted, her hand pressed against his chest.  
"I know," he said, very aware his heart rate was very high. "But I promise it won't give out."  
Mac looked at him confused. "My heart, that's what you meant, wasn't it?" he said, resting his hand over hers which was still on his chest.  
"No, I meant this...us...making out...going very fast..." she said, before her fingers gently rubbed his chest.  
"It is," he said with a nod. "We can stop if you want to," he offered, not wanting her to do anything she was uncomfortable with.  
"I don't want to stop," she said leaning in to kiss him again.  
"Thank god for that," he mumbled against her mouth.

It was fifteen minutes later before Mac spoke once more.  
"Harm..." she said as she tilted her head to give him greater access to the spot he was nibbling on. "Harm..."  
Slowly, he stopped and looked up at her. "What?" he asked breathlessly.  
"I want to move this to the bedroom," she said, propping herself up on one elbow. "But I can't carry you there."

Grinning, Harm stood before scooping Mac up, heading to her bedroom and placing her in the middle of her queen-sized bed.  
"This what you had in mind?" he asked and Mac nodded.  
"Yeah," she said reaching out for him once more. "Except you'd be on here with me."  
"I can rectify that," he said, toeing off his shoes and joining her once more.

It was a little past dawn when Mac awoke and grinned at the realisation that the naked man still pressed firmly against her was Harm and he was actually there and not a dream. Slowly, her hand moved around his chest before resting above his heart. Closing her eyes once more, Mac smiled to herself; actions did speak louder than words.

It was an hour or so later that Harm awoke and smiled at the vision of sleeping beauty in his arms. Leaning down he placed several gentle kisses on her head.  
"What are they for?" Mac mumbled sleepily.  
"Just because..." he replied before kissing her again.  
"Just because what" she questioned, opening one eye.  
"Just because I love you," he whispered.  
Forcing her eyes open, Mac pushed up and kissed Harm tenderly.  
"What was that for?" he asked quietly.  
"'cos I love you too," she said sleepily.

When sleep claimed them once more, Mac was still smiling. Actions did speak louder than words, but sometimes the right words were far better than any action.


End file.
